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Rosie loved me for a whole summer-
we had borrowed someone else's cottage
by someone else's lake

each day we sat silently
at the edge of our relationship

when we looked down,
innocent water seemed to say
that we were perpetual

when we looked up
a blameless horizon told us
there was no limit to our love

but Nature doesn't always know best
and our love ended with the summer



----------------------------------------------------------


Alice, a lake is just a lake
it's water not magic,
and the sky is there for everyone
Monday lovers and Friday friends alike

I shared all with you that week
except your plans for our future
and now I must softly share
that only you
will ever write poems about that summer

Alice, this is a well improved revision. I particularly like the end line of your part, "and our love ended with the summer". A season to everything?

Do you mind me asking how old you were/are. And Rosie too.

I look forward to you writing your further part in reply to Rosie's straight shooting.

You know, in some ways it is harder work to revise than creat. The original energy sometimes disipates, motivation can be down for "merely" tweaking. You went away and returned a few days later with several changes all for the better imho.

Excellent writing, well done!

Simon

Simon Says wrote:Alice, this is a well improved revision. I particularly like the end line of your part, "and our love ended with the summer". A season to everything?

Do you mind me asking how old you were/are. And Rosie too.

I look forward to you writing your further part in reply to Rosie's straight shooting.

You know, in some ways it is harder work to revise than create. The original energy sometimes dissipates, motivation can be down for "merely" tweaking. You went away and returned a few days later with several changes all for the better imho.

Excellent writing, well done!

Simon

Simon, thanks. I am 42 and Rosie used to be 21. I haven't seen her for 19 years, so who knows how old she now is. Thanks for noticing the changes in the poem.


Alice

"I am not a number"