leonardcohenforum.com

These two poems were written very recently and are, in my opinion, some of my more happy and cheery stuff. Comments and criticism are highly encouraged as I have quite frankly no idea whether or not I'm any good at this.

The Morning Star

The sun is slowly rising
beyond a sky so dark
but I can still see the light
of a morning star

And though we may be
a thousand miles apart
I will always believe
in the beauty of the heart

Though the road may be long
and the journey may be far
I will never forget the song
of the morning star

Requiem

Darkness falls upon the forest
a loosing moon shine so still
and I cry for your lone beauty
for I know that you never will

Kisses rise and turn to dust
the concrete lie of an old fool
with bleeding eyes and broken heart
he's always there dying for you

A secret light deep in the forest
a funeral pyre, scarlet wood
sparks ignite, weeping desire
for the life I never knew

In my dreams I'm never lost
in my sleep, I'm alone with you
and when I rise weeping blood
there's not a deed I would not do

Cities rise and fall to ruin
the shooting star of eternity
separates the dead from the wounded
high above a burning sea

In your eyes I'm already loosin'
in your smile I can never be free
forever a sucker for your beauty
it is the life that was meant for me

In my opinion, the second piece is stronger than the first but you might look at some of the images which lack originality and spontaneity - the image of the journey; the overuse of the star image.

The closing stanza of the second piece seems totally at odds with the rest in its construction and use of language, moving from a certain formality to a total informality.

I don't think you'll make a living from them.

God bless,
William