L.C. Sculpture Comp/The Smut Thread (warning Adult Content)

[Teratogen]

i'm sure you could, dear. so, ali, do you have any input on my envelope-smashing literature? yes, i licked her and sealed her with a kiss before pummeling her to bits. but, i bet you could tell by just reading all of it.

[Teratogen]

i bump this with a teratogenic rendition of "'twas the night before christmas," as here it is officially christmas eve. there is no other place i could have put this. so, enjoy.

‘Twas the night before X-mas and all through the store
Every creature was rushing to squander some more.
All the Christians were hung on the crucifix prayer
As they hoped that their savior soon would be there.
Then, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
A jolly, old fuck taking it in the rear,
A scene that most children just do not get,
I said in a moment, “Enough of this shit!”
And more rabid than nymphos the fat old fuck came
As he shouted, "Oh, Dasher!" and each reindeers name.
And so up to the cashier the customers flew
Pushing and shoving their way right on through.
Down went the Christians and down fell the joy;
As they forgot the birth of God’s Whipping Boy.
The fat man was laughing at every store clerk,
Letting reindeer shit everywhere, St. Prick was a jerk,
And sticking his finger inside of his nose,
And grabbing his crotch he began with a prose:
”Your god is dead and this façade’s rather trite,
Merry Christmas to all… now get the fuck out of my way!”

Merry fucking Chri$tmas

[Ali]

Happy New Year to all on this thread.

I expect all our Gentlemen have spent all their time stuffing a good bird - so have given no thought to their erections when Berlin time comes.

Girls, 12th Night is a good time to start working again - think of all the peices of tinsel left over - you could also use holly to good effect on your erection

Oh Gents - hanging a peice of mistletoe over your erection is banned under the rules

[peter danielsen]

Hi all

As I have posted some text on the "hallmark" poetry page, I got this little mail

"The Editors of The International Library of Poetry were thrilled to inform you that your poem was bestowed the prestigious Editor's Choice Award because of your artistic accomplishments and unique perspective--characteristics found in the most noteworthy poetic works. To further commemorate this prestigious achievement we have elected you to receive the 2005 Editor's Choice Published Poet Ribbon Award Pin."

I offcourse was thrilled and answered right away:

"Dear editors
I would like also to award you my significant dick-prize. You should be really proud as it is only very few women who gets to see touch, and taste my dick.
And thats not all, if you answer quickly I will throw in a bonus, I will touch you little pussy, and make you feel like you need a lesson from big daddy

Peter Danielsen

[linda_lakeside]

I can't believe it! Are you guys still going at it after 20 pages??? I see Jason has found a home...

[Teratogen]

i feel comfy and cozy in all the vd's and std's and all that. hahahaha. this is the leonard cohen bulletin board red light district. and i'm tha muthafuckin' pimp, y'all. where ma hoes at?

[Tri-me]

Teratogen, step away from your erection I think it is going to your head.
You may be suffering from performance anxiety. Your erection is important but the process is the most important part. Take your time, be gentle with yourself, relax. Don't be obscessed with the outcome. Take the time to use all your senses. You may not want to use your sense of taste I suggest a foxy chardonnay with some fine chocolate for your sense of taste. Remember, your erection is a part of you, a part you will be sharing with others, do your best.
FYI use a condom to protect your erection, here is an example of how you can get a large erection in a condom.