Daddy's Little Princess.

[Violet]

.. my love, how are you?

.. I'm staving off this chest cold.. but it's not helping that I was up all hours writing last night. Still, I think I may have written some okay material for my site.. so.. it's hard to know what to do sometimes. Sleep?.. or maybe wind up with something decent on paper, as it were.

.. still, today it's to pay the piper.

Anyway, I awoke with the wind in the trees up here. That may sound rather poetic, but I fear to lose power. So, I should post this now, my love.. as I may not be able later.

You know, I

it's like what I always remember that painter saying. The brit. Bacon. In a documentary.

he said he was optimistic.. but about nothing. Which is not to say he wasn't optimistic.. it was just to say that there was no aim in that. It was just a state of mind, it seems. A way of being optimistic without falling prey to wishful thinking.

.. anyway, I guess that's how I feel.

okay, maybe it's not the same.. since

well, I hold out this "happy ending" scenario sometimes. But maybe I need that just to keep going.


.. in the meantime, I'm alright, my love. And my best thoughts and wishes are always with you.. (no matter what happens, my angel)

.. alright. I need to get to work. And try not to mind the wind. I just hope I have power so I can keep going. [both in terms of this computer, and my staving off this chest cold]

.. oh.


Down 'n Crabby: Episode One

Miss Crumb was worried.


.. that's all I have so far. Oh, and.. even though I'm not too sure how hard it is to train a cat and a mouse to--well, to get along, for one thing.. [since I don't want this to turn out to be a gory horror type program].. but, yeah.. it's not just that aspect I have some concerns about. It's also having them stand erect, so they can move about 'n such. You know, basic "acting" type stuff.

still.. [the writer in me tells myself].. I can't worry about such details at this point. I just need to write this thing--THEN I can worry about the travails of mounting such a production.. of getting Alan Rickman on board, etc.

[END: first line of Episode One]



alright, my darling. I shall keep my "optimism" intact.

here, I'll tuck it inside this tender kiss I'm sending you.. x.. (and I do hope things are going splendidly, as you prepare for the next leg of your tour..

.. I don't have any pictures of the moon.. but

[oh, and

.. (I always remember these Bacon paintings starting off this film..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KuRMVo0IsiE
FULL SCREEN..

[later edit: removed a poem I had originally included]

[imaginary friend]

Dear V.

...love your rhyming verse(s).

...and the Optimism meanderings.

...and I'm assuming you're aware that the cat and Ms Crumb will (inevitably) fall in love and be talking in Tongues.

...XO

[Violet]

Hi, I.F. It's always lovely to hear from you. I do hope all is well.. [xx].. [oh, and thanks for the verse appreciation]

Yes, I was beginning to think that that should be the song used for the opening credits, even.. ['course it gives away the plot..

oh, here they are:

[or, well, at least the title]


DOWN 'n CRABBY

the award-winning companion show to the lesser known Downton Abbey

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z5bEfsSSwKc
FULL SCREEN..

.. my love, I've been working away here. I miss you.. x.. (just so much)

(oh, and here's Master Boots doing the "hang out" thing in Goa).. (xx.. x..

[Violet]

.. my angel, how are you?

I did make it out to our lake yesterday, finally. I wore this antique Irish sweater I have [that seems warm enough even for Ireland] but it didn't help. The bitter wind went right through me. I put the camera in a woolen hat in my pocket, and was able to take a few pics.. but then the battery froze again.

.. actually, on these colder days, by the time I'm finally heading back home, it's almost intolerably cold, and I can't help but wonder what on earth I'm even doing out there. But, yesterday, at that point, just the thought of you was almost like finding a small fire by the road, where I could warm my hands, and once again find my resolve. [which is to say you warm my heart, my love]

oh. When I got to our Tibetan bell yesterday it was again ringing--and, I mean, ringing like nobody's business. (!) I stopped and listened. It died down a bit. Then I started to go, and it started up again. [??] In any case, this is maybe just the third time I've ever heard it ring. Even on windy days, it doesn't necessarily ring.. so.. that's the mystery of the Tibetan bell. The mystery of us, I guess.

.. anyway, I can't be here long today, as I'm heading into the city to meet a friend. I'm watching a movie for the second time, given I'm looking at it for the writing I'm doing for my site. I had no intention of writing about a popular film, but due to a rather interesting interview I heard, and a rather odd coincidence of sorts, that's what started happening. I feel as though I opened a can of worms.. but maybe that's a good thing. Anyway, I feel the need to see this film one more time before wrapping this up. Then it's to actually set up the site itself. [hopefully it won't be too harrowing]

.. anyway, my angel.. I know I'm not here as much just now, but I'm missing you just the same. More than I'll say.

.. actually, I've been a bit under the weather all week, and I'm just now feeling better. I'm hoping that means I'll have the nerve to do that open mic, then, this coming week. I guess I'll see.

.. alright, my love. Here's a "cold" pic from yesterday.. [taken from our dock].. and a version of a song that's on my mind for some reason.. [a song that might be fun to do, I think]

.. and I again send my tender kiss, my love.. x.. (just for you)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ZS7iKdRo5Q
FULL SCREEN..

.. xx .. xx x.. xx..

[Violet]

.. my darling, how are you?

.. well, I'm still working away.. hoping to give word of some real progress soon. With this site, I mean.

.. I'm stuck here--won't be going to the city until my--actually this could use a heading

The Joys of Driving a Classic

.. yes, it almost crapped out on me on the Palisades, as I was returning home from watching that movie with my friend, M. Luckily, it was when I stopped for gas that I noticed all the steam rising from the hood. Now, I'm no auto mechanic, but that didn't look like a very promising sign. Nor did the "check radiator" prompt on my dashboard. Again luckily, through a brilliant stopgap measure.. [i.e. using a clamp to gerry-rig the damaged radiator hose].. I was able to--well, at least try to get home.

.. so, yeah, I drove home not knowing if I was going to make it or not. Oh, and I was wearing a short skirt and tights--and my pretty peacock-colored jacket.. (which was warm enough for driving in a car with heat.. but not for waiting around in the frigid cold.. so

.. anyway, for some reason on this trip I'd been trying out some of your older songs. Famous Blue Raincoat.. Hey, that's no way to say good-bye.. (which I mentioned singing before) So, that's what I continued doing. (actually, I did try singing Suzanne, but it always turns into Hey, that's no way to say good-bye, for some reason) (I'll have to work on that)

.. anyway, I did make it home, my love.. so maybe my luck is turning. Or maybe it was your songs that saw me through the panic 'til I was gathered safely in.

.. okay, my angel. Oh, I wrote you this poem this morning.. which I'll leave with you for now. I do hope all is well with you.. and I send you all my love and best thoughts and wishes in this tender kiss.. x.. (and yes, I miss you).. (always, I do)



So like yourself


I can only read you

the way one reads the clouds

impressions that form and change

that never stay


but what am I to do, then—

when all of heaven’s in this?

all of heaven brings you close

(then denies me your kiss)


no, I can’t leave the sky

or never have a thought

I can’t my heart deny this

piercing sun



x


.. actually, I've been taking a look at this jazz guitarist.. (to leave things more on the upbeat side, my love.. xx.. x..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sYrFWPyWiaw
FULL SCREEN..

[Violet]

.. my love, how are you?

.. I'm just taking a little break here, and found myself writing, well


Down ‘n Crabby

[the award winning companion show to the lesser known Downton Abbey]

Episode One

Miss Crumb was worried. After all, Master Boots did nothing but sleep on the couch all day. Oh, and he didn’t even bother undressing. And, I mean.. well, just how was she going to get his tux to the cleaners, and iron his shirt, and press his bow tie, if THAT were the state of affairs??

(sigh)

.. so, yes: Miss Crumb was very worried.

Also—well, she wasn’t sure just what type of household was now employing her. I mean, first off, she was supposed to be the cook. Only, given no other servants had yet been hired, she found herself doing the work of a whole staff of servants. Everything from cooking [her real job].. to scrubbing the floors.. polishing the silver.. making the beds.. doing the shopping

I mean, it was exhausting. More troubling though was the fact that Master Boots tended to disappear most nights. And poor Miss Crumb had no idea just where he was off to. [she feared the worst in this]

oh, and—add to that: these two “chicks”.. [as Master Boots called them].. were living out back. Red-heads, in fact. [okay: Rhode Island Reds] And poor Miss Crumb had no idea as to their, uh

you know: morals. [actually, she heard rumors they were rather “loosie-goosie,” if you see my point]

however, they did provide the house with some nice eggs each morning, so

[best to keep her concerns to herself, then]

.. so, yes: poor Miss Crumb was very worried.


[shop talk: you know, I actually think my dipping into my Anna Karenina book now and then is in some manner affecting my narration for this].. [that can’t be too bad a thing—I mean, that’s Tolstoy, after all]

END: Episode One


.. so, anyway, my love. That's all I got, for now. It's still snowy and cold out. [do I dare try and go out there again?] [to our lake, I mean]

[not sure]

.. anyway, back to work. Have a wonderful day, my angel.. (may this tender kiss help towards that.. x

.. oh, and here's another "cold" pic from Saturday, I guess it was.. [and yes, that's our dock]

and.. (oh, and I miss you..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgNQ4FR6Me8
FULL SCREEN..

.. xx x.. xxx.. xx..

[Violet]

.. my angel, how are you?

.. I just thought I'd write you now, since a MASSIVE storm is headed right this way. Over a foot of snow predicted.. and

well, that's usually when the power goes out.. so I may not be here for a while, in that case.

(sigh)

.. but, I've really been writing away for my website. As I think I already mentioned, it's going in all sorts of directions.. and

well, hopefully you'll see what I mean in the not too distant future. I don't know how hard this is going to be to set up. Have no idea.. so, don't know what manner of storm that itself will be. Let alone this snowy one.

.. anyway, you yourself are sailing right into your own "perfect storm".. [of tours, that is]

I can't believe it's so soon. You must be terribly busy, my angel. It's exciting. Well.. except I do wish I were going to be seeing you. Anywhere, actually.

[bleh]

.. well.. just don't tell me when you're going to be in New York. [it might be easier that way]

actually, I've been missing you just so much today, for some reason. I don't know why some days it's worse than others. It's not that I don't have my mind on other things, but

.. actually, just for the fun of it I think I'll see if I can find

[just a sec]

.. [..]..

[okay. This song is to see me through this coming storm..

oh, and I started taking some pics of the property name signs that I used to write to you about. [at our lake, that is] This one maybe goes with your song. [in a sense].. [you know, with Happy Hours leading to--you know, all manner of down 'n bluesy, uh

[I think I'll bow out on that one].. [after all, I've gotten into all sorts of trouble in the past by trying to characterize this song of yours, and so I guess you could say I'm "playing it safe," for a change]

[what's that movie title? Oh--Gidget Grows Up]

.. okay. [actually, I don't know the Loewensteins, but, off hand they seem like fun] [I mean, if property name signs are any indication].. [it looks like that little clock says ten to four--now, that's a pretty early Happy Hour. And so, pretty impressive, I'd say]

okay, so.. here's my Happy Hour woozy smooch.. x.. (after which we'll be saying good-bye to Mr. and Mrs. Loewenstein, and

[well, like I said before, I'm not planning on getting into any trouble with this one].. [there is a storm coming, after all, and so it's possible I won't be able to come back here and take anything back.. so, I'm keeping it "clean." Oh, which means I'm letting you do the, uh..

[honors]

[that's the word]

(bye, my angel.. x xxx..

(I really really really really miss you)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mz9j3GCYiPQ
FULL SCREEN..

.. xx. xx.xxx..x..

[imaginary friend]

What an extraordinarily sexy Anyhow! (Our) He(ro) performed it in Vancouver, but not quite, quite like that!

Kudos to Albert Noonan for his impeccable video, too.

Dear V, you and Sir Boots stay warm and safe. Hope the storm blows over quickly and isn't as bad as expected. Let us know you're OK.

What about the chickens???

xo

[Violet]

You mean, those two loosie-goosies out back?

I know. It's a lot of snow--even for Rhode Island Reds. [they'll have to stay "cooped up"].. [just like I will]

As for Anyhow, this was the first time this song was performed on tour.

.. anyway, thanks for the well wishes, and we'll just have to wait and see. It's turned out to be quite a fall and winter up here. [you'd think I'd have stayed in India]

[I'll keep you posted] [if at all possible]

v. x

[Violet]

.. my love, how are you?

.. well, there really is at least a foot of snow out here. There may be more to come. But, perhaps given there's no wind--or, at least not yet, there's still power up here.. (thank God) Oh, wait.. actually, I'm

(beginning to hear the wind)

(sigh)

.. anyway, I just thought I'd stop in to say that things are okay [so far] up here on Foot of Snow Mountain. And the chickens survived as well. [they don't like snow, since it covers up all that "worm potential"]

Oh, also. I've just dipped my toe into the site building thing. I'm not discouraged yet, but there's still time for that. [pretty sure]

You know, I need to get some better sleep hopefully starting tonight, now that I'm substantially done with the first section of writing I'm doing. What's been good about it, actually.. [the writing part, I mean].. is that I'm learning quite a bit as I go along, film history wise, etc. I guess that's what I hoped would happen. Just start writing--blind, almost.. but then.. well, it branches out, as it will.

oh, but I did find myself up late again last night--for no particular reason, even.. and then I found myself writing you a poem.. [when really I should have been going to bed] Only, I decided I'm not going to post it. It's that it has a sadness to it, and I don't want to have you feeling sad. But, I brought this up since I was thinking I needed to be more "forward thinking."

..so.. [with that in mind].. I guess I'll keep you updated on my progress, and we'll just see what the immediate future brings. I'm also going to try to remember to give myself your "lighten up" speech, as needed. [lucky for me, it's a very short speech]

oh, yeah. I just found this little note I wrote on one of those sticky pad thingies on my desk. I don't know what I meant to use it for, but it seems it's about writing comic bits so dry as to be

"just under humor's radar"

[I'm really not very ambitious, am I?]

[probably need to work on that more]

nevertheless.. I decided I deserve twelve gold stars

************

[actually, for no particular reason, even]

you.. [meanwhile].. I think deserve far more than that, but twelve's my limit, so

************

[that's all you get]


okay, my angel. I send again my tender kiss--this time for luck.. x.. (for your upcoming tour)

[and if I'm scarce here, you'll know I'm busy digging my way out of site-building hell]


.. (let me see what I can find for you, youtube wise..

.. gosh, I've never heard this before (!).. (your voice is just perfect for it..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGEWQRL2sJk
FULL SCREEN..

[Violet]

.. my angel, how are you?

I didn’t think I’d be here again so soon, but I just wanted to tell you about yesterday, as it was such a remarkable day. It was wonderfully sunny, and it just felt so warm compared to how it’s been, and so I rode out to our lake. And even though I had something of a mishap: my gears went screwy and the bike abruptly stopped, and before I knew it, my body was sailing over the road, Superman like. [Chris Farley’s “that’s gonna’ leave a mark” actually came to me, mid-accident!] Only, I’m fine, with only a small bruise on my left knee. [thanks to all the layers I was wearing]

.. anyway, that didn’t deter me. [I think I need to get new gears, though] Still, I went out to our lake—and saw that the snow from the storm nearly covered our dock.

.. but, it was so warm feeling. There, on the dock, in the bright sun—with all the bright white snow around me. And it was so completely silent. [it’s funny I just posted your reading of those Paul Simon lyrics] I just can't recall it ever being so entirely silent.

I lay on the part of the walkway where the wind had blown away the snow, and I looked again to the sky, as I’ve done so many times during the warmer months. There was a slight dappled canopy of clouds overhead—nearly transparent.. and so, really it was mostly blue that I saw overhead. But this ghostly canopy was just perceptible enough to have it seem as if the sky itself were drifting past. And the only sound I heard was some faint “sonic” sound.. [if that’s the word].. as from some far off jet plane. But, even that only seemed to underscore the stunning silence.

I looked to the tops of the trees—truly golden in the sun.. these branches just so delicate against the sky. So complex, and ornate, even. And I had that impression again. The one I’ve had before. The sense that everything was you. Just everything. The delicate complexity of the trees’ twigs and branches.. the golden splendor of it. And the simple beauty of all that was around me. Each place my eyes rested. And such a feeling of you, which was “in” me, somehow.

You know, I fear that as I move on with things [as I’ve called it], I’ll lose you. I guess I still fear that. But here I was yesterday.. with you all around me.

I took quite a few pictures of the lake from there. Our dock, I mean. And when I got to our Tibetan bell.. well, the light was really dying by then.. and so, I figured out how to turn off the flash, since it was now going on automatically.

But, my love.. it was just so

I don’t know, “lovely” what happened. It's that I decided to photograph the bell from underneath it. And so, I lay on the ground, looking up at it.

I must have bumped into its heavy pole, since the bell’s triangular “chime,” I guess I’ll call it.. started to swing. And so, I was hearing just the loveliest chiming sound, and sensing its vibration.. as I continued to photograph this bell of ours. And as I did this, I had a somewhat different sense of your closeness. A sense of “Spirit” even. And, because there was little light.. and no flash.. well, you’ll see in the pictures how I was capturing the motion of the swinging chime. Capturing, too, this "Spirit."

you know, I almost felt to be caressing you, in this. This camera lens, like my eyes upon you. [the way it is one's gaze caresses] I didn’t care that my hands were nearly frozen, as were my feet. It didn’t seem to matter. I was in our forest, with this lovely chime—like the chiming of one’s heart, even.

I was realizing while lying on the walkway earlier.. that everything around me was like my own “room,” somehow. My room, and yours. It’s a feeling I remember having in childhood.. and even as I grew up. The places that were most dear to me were these splendid “secret” places—outside somewhere.. [as if in God’s kingdom]

And here I was, lying in the snow beneath our bell, just as if I were lying in a sacred bedroom.. with the snow a lovely blanket. My heart just so alive in this “chiming” sense of you.. just so sheltered feeling.. so "at home."


Well, I chose seven of these pictures I took yesterday.. there, inside our lovely bower. I may need to use a number of posts.. since I’m not sure one post would hold all those images. So, it may take a few minutes.

oh, and I dreamt of you last night! We were in an art gallery. You were sitting on the floor, leaning against a wall. This part of the gallery was set up like a corridor, and I was putting up small watercolors of mine, just before you, with the wall of the corridor rather close to us. I don’t know what they were of. [figurative, and small] But there was another piece of paper that had my name on it, I think. And all these kisses I drew. [just for you] I had even scrawled “I love you.” And we were deciding what I should do with that. This piece of paper, I mean. I mean, I think we both felt that it was private, and not meant for the wall of an art gallery.

Of course, I know precisely the matter the dream was assessing. How hard it is sometimes, when, regardless of how I feel.. well.. you would understand the dream, as well.

.. anyway, my love.. just know that all is well. And I do love you, my angel. And whether that’s just “art” or not.. I guess I have to leave that to the gods to decide.


.. I send again my tender kiss.. x.. (as from our lovely, wintry hemlock-tree bedroom).. (where our bell is secretly chiming)

oh, I thought I should post this song of yours. You know, with such light streaming towards me through the cracks in the bell (as I lay beneath it) this song truly "arrived," yesterday. (and so, maybe you’re starting to see how special a day it was)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ma5tF6TJpA
FULL SCREEN..

.. xx x.. xxx.. xx.. x..

[Violet]

..

[Violet]

..

[Violet]

.. my love, how are you?

.. I had the sort of day where it took hours to accomplish very little, website wise. Hopefully, I'll get the preliminary knots smoothed out soon enough.

.. anyway, I'm taking a little break, and I read this poem again.. and I'm no longer sure why it had me feeling sad before. I don't find it sad now. I find it hopeful, even.

.. so, I send it to you now, my angel.. along with this tender kiss.. x.. (and just the warmest feeling.. xx x..






later edit: just a few tweaks on this poem]
[removed poem]

[Violet]

.. my love, how are you?

I was up at dawn to take the train into the city, and I watched just the most piercing white sun as it rose up through the forest, and reached across the winding stream that runs by the train tracks. This sun was "following" me.. (as happens on trains) Only, it was you I felt was following me. (still, I wanted you just beside me, instead)


Well, I didn't sleep well last night. I was tossing and turning, and going over in my mind all the Roshi revelations here at the forum.

I've read most of what's been posted thus far. Many of the articles, as well. Not that in the past I ever gave the matter much thought--and yes, people are saying how this behavior is just so typical of gurus.. and yet, I never suspected that of Roshi.. maybe because of his proximity to you.

actually, given this matter is now getting such exposure, I'm left wondering if Roshi is having to re-assess his behavior.. and, if so.. well, perhaps the best thing toward healing for all involved--himself included--would be if he were to own his culpability. Actually, just the thought of that seems rather powerful to me.

.. alright, my love. I need to head for bed, but wanted to send you some tender care, and support.. and my sweet good-night kiss.. x.. with the hope that there can be some real healing from all this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOS8xKeLsj0
FULL SCREEN..