One Night Stand

[Cate]

I walked into her
Striking eyes,

Great image Jimbo.
Matj

I like this too Matt, I also like the last 4 lines.

Then we lit a fire,
Of hidden desires,
We didnt sleep till
Sun up,till sunrise.

I like a lot of what Jimbo writes. He can switch from the beautiful to the raw – to the raw to the beautiful very quickly, giving the raw an appearance of beauty.

Here’s an example of beautiful to me.

my lake is shimmering
as the comarant swoops down
oer the mating swans
there nesting on an island
near the childrens old graveyard

[mat james]

yes Cate.

There is a poet in jimbo. No doubt about it.

Thou, silent form, dost tease us out of thought
As doth eternity: Cold Pastoral!
When old age shall this generation waste,
Thou shalt remain, in midst of other woe
Than ours, a friend to man, to whom thou say'st,
"Beauty is truth, truth beauty," - that is all
Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.

John Keats
http://englishhistory.net/keats/poetry/ ... anurn.html

Matj

[mat james]

Keep writing jimbo.

Matj

[jill]

I enjoyed your provocative poem. To me it depicts a steamy one night stand . With: "she flirted with everyone while still looking at me", I can fill in my version of that woman( (a film noir sort of scene)., also running "for the unlocked door" to keep out the others "She had flirted with ..." captures a sense of urgency to take advantage of the moment: Intense, direct. Jill

[William]

This must be the longest one night stand in history.
Is it all to be put down to a certain brand of uplifting consequence, jimbo?????

[jill]

one more comment: as to whether it is appropriate to write about a one night stand in this particular forum. Even some famous poets write about their trysts: please consider L..C.'s "Closing Time"
about a "very sweet companion" who looks like she's a Hundred "but she's wearing something tight."
I wish that I could feel safe in contributing poetry to the leonardcohenforum's poetry place instead of feeling like I am throwing raw meat to wolves. Jill

[damellon]

Hi Jill
You had something of a baptism of fire the first time you posted a poem so I can understand why you wouldn't want to repeat it. I would be as nervous as you. But if you are writing and it is important to you then this is as good a place as any to collect some rejection slips. Any writer will tell you that these are the price you pay for wanting to have your voice heard. At least here, if you're lucky enough to get a response, it may be of some use to you. So what if someone else doesn't like it? So what if no-one else likes it? If you like it, that's enough reason to post it. This wimp says 'do it'.

[Cate]

Hi Jill,

I have to admit that comments can sometimes be a bit rough. The thing to remember is that if you do get criticism, that is neither positive or constructive, it only reflects that one persons opinion. If you like your poem, there will be others who will as well, whether they comment or not.
Don't take comments personally, nobody here actually knows you - If that's hard for you to do though, you might want to wait until your feeling comfortable.

All the best

Cate

[mat james]

feeling like I am throwing raw meat to wolves.

Jill

Just throw it Jill
even wolves have needs

[jill]

I do notice that Jimbo used the constructive criticism in this forum wisely. The second version is an improvement of the original. Good for you. Here's to constructive criticism and discernment and dignity!! and wolves. Jill

[damellon]

and courage, Jill?

[jimbo]

Hi Jill and D yes dont worry bout a thing
Throw it to the wolves... I was here 7 mounths before they devoured me...............
And yes it done me good.................
Cant say I got better But i dont think i got worse......................

lots of luv xxxxxx