Daddy's Little Princess.

[Violet]

.. Leonard, my love.. my angel.. how are you?

I do feel to be honing in on the home stretch now, finally. I think I can honestly say that I have just to fill in this one last rather technical section, based on the research I did recently, and that should about do it. Barring tweaking, that is. But tweaking is one thing. Incorporating new material is far more taxing.

.. anyway, it's good news, I think.


.. I did make it out to our lake yesterday.. and the sun's reflection was so blindingly bright, it was hard to even look at.

.. still, it was quite beautiful.. stunning, really.

.. I was about to set out again this evening, but this furious wind started up again, and was tearing through the pines up here.. so I thought I'd hold off 'til tomorrow. Only, there's this part of my psyche that feels abandoned somehow when I don't go.. maybe in part because it's the thing I do that's always been attached to you.

.. anyway, my love.. I guess I'm tired, and need to head to bed soon.. but I thought I'd open your Book of Mercy first.. and, having just looked at the next passage, I do find it moving how timely your words can feel to me to be.


45

Not knowing where to go, I go to you. Not knowing where to
turn, I turn to you. Not knowing how to speak, I speak to you.
Not knowing what to hold, I bind myself to you. Having lost
my way, I make my way to you. Having soiled my heart, I lift
my heart to you. Having wasted my days, I bring the heap to
you. The great highway covered with debris, I travel on a hair
to you. The wall smeared with filth, I go through a pinhole of
light. Blocked by every thought, I fly on the wisp of a remem-
brance. Defeated by silence, here is a place where the silence
is more subtle. And here is the opening in defeat. And here is
the clasp of the will. And here is the fear of you. And here is
the fastening of mercy. Blessed are you, in this man's moment.
Blessed are you, whose presence illuminates outrageous evil.
Blessed are you who brings chains out of the darkness.
Blessed are you, who waits in the world. Blessed are you,
whose name is in the world.


.. not knowing where to go, I go to you.. I turn to you.. and speak to you. I worry sometimes what you might think of me as to my doing this.. but when I read your Book of Mercy, I feel you could forgive in me whatever needs be forgiven.

still, I'm torn sometimes.. alone in all that troubles me.

The wall smeared with filth, I go through a pinhole of light.

I sometimes wonder what I'd do if I were to find myself confined in some way. Against my will, I mean. I wonder what strength I might have to call on.

of course, in just saying that, I realize that that's all our plight every minute almost. We're here not by our say so. And I realize sometimes.. especially when I'm struggling.. that it's a deliberate choice to "take things on".. to make things matter.. to not give in, or give up.

.. one feels tired sometimes. One has had enough. But, when you pull back from that.. and see that every moment has always been like that.. and in that, every moment too offers "the opening in defeat".. "the clasp of the will."

Blessed are you, whose presence illuminates outrageous evil.
Blessed are you who brings chains out of the darkness.

.. I've been to some very dark places of late. This past year has been such a mixture of.. well, of such lovely feeling when I think of you, my love.. but such darkness, too.. when I try and fathom what the "problem" may be.. down here on this troubled earth..

.. or what the "problem" may be with myself.

Blessed are you, who waits in the world. Blessed are you,
whose name is in the world.

.. I read an excerpt of a Sufi text once that was really so illuminating.. and yet, I've to dig around to find it again. But "the word" and "the name" had new meaning.. though now I'm left with just this.. this glimmer of an understanding.

funny how I'd lost the text.. not even its author's name do I remember. As if I needed to find it again.

And here is the fear of you.

.. you know, I wonder sometimes, my love, if I fear you.. because your disowning me would be so terrible for me.

.. and in that darkness of contemplating that, I really have to look to myself, and see what the matter is.

.. maybe I do look to matter to you.

perhaps I realize, too, that I look to you because I want to. Though I've sometimes felt that I needed to.. and then I'd think, no. I don't "need" to. I want to. I even want to need to (!)

or maybe I really do need to.

only, why do I?

I guess it's a kind of joy. Impractical.. even impossible, maybe.. but, still, a kind of joy

and lightness

[such as when you spoke of love as falling into a tulip]


okay, my angel.. on that loveliest of notes.. I guess it's to bed. I miss you. And I'm tired of asking myself why I do. I just do.

my sweetest kiss to you

x


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTstvRYd ... re=related
FULL SCREEN..

.. x xx .. xx x x..

[Violet]

.. my beloved.. how are you?

.. tomorrow is Gotham, and I'll be picking up my brother and taking him back with me. Then Sunday--the friend of the family person, and his wife.. well, they've invited us to visit friends in New Jersey, who have a large horse stable.. so, we'll be dining with the "horsey set" on Easter. [I'll see if I can update your white stallion, my angel] [in case it needs updating]

.. in so speaking, I may not get back here 'til next week, and.. well, I wanted to wish you a wonderful Passover, and Passover weekend.. and I wish everyone here a Happy Passover, and Easter.


.. I did make it out to our lake, again, my love. And once again the reflected light on the water was nearly blinding.. but dazzling, still.

.. it was very cool--cold, even--but so crisp and sunny.. and so it was perfect for riding.. with everything feeling just so clean and clear.

.. the writing was working today, I thought. I guess the difficulty, too, has been.. well, a lot of this stuff I've been figuring out as I go along, and so then I have Agent Longing and Violet do the figuring.. but, I mean.. it's not like I "know" this stuff, and now just have to get it down.. I find myself having new questions about it all, as I go along.. and so I incorporate such questions.. and see what the characters come up with in the way of answers.

.. I'm hopeful, though.. since I think a lot of this material is rather "over the top".. but when you start to really go through it.. and see all the varying threads of it, and how they're interconnected.. then this picture starts to form.. and so maybe I really am creating a way to understand what would otherwise be thought too "out there" for consideration, even.. and much of it far too hidden, or disguised, as well.

.. so.. I feel hopeful with it just now. And hopeful I can finish it very soon.


.. so.. I thought of your tulip, as I rode today. Oh. For some reason, after I got back, and was doing something at my desk.. but I thought of that line--

oh, I was practicing a song. One of the songs I'd like to sing for you, since to me it's really about you. [They Can't Take That Away From Me] [as I've mentioned before, youtube doesn't have Sarah's wonderful version of that] [untainted, that is].. but, yes, I was practicing it.. and when I finished, that line of yours that you wrote on one of your [Book of Longing] drawings

We will not be staying for the entire performance.

for some reason just popped into my head, and

well, to tell you the truth, I found myself laughing. Very hard, in fact. [I think I'm losing it, my love]

We will not be staying for the entire performance.

[it's still cracking me up]

[is it just me?.. or

Anyhow..



.. okay. So.. this weekend, my angel.. you will be in my heart and mind and in my thoughts..

.. and I send you dozens and dozens of just the most luscious, beautiful tulips and kisses.. (with all my heart).. x

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mzrh3sCK4DM&feature
FULL SCREEN..

.. x x x.. x x.. xx.. x x.. xx..

[Oscotarach]

Has yuo been evar to a sickyartist Voilet?Just ceurius.

[Violet]

Has yuo been evar to a sickyartist Voilet?Just ceurius.

Yes. Several times.

[Oscotarach]

Waht do him say? Whuy not him helps yuo?

[Violet]

Waht do him say? Whuy not him helps yuo?

I'm on my blackberry, which means our writing capacity is about equal.

.. so, am I to take it that you've diagnosed my "problem," and have decided that the solution to said "problem" is what you call a "sicky artist?".. Do I have that correct?

.. well, do you want to know what I say to that? You're hired! When do we begin?


(don't expect me to write too many of these today, I've about reached my blackberry capacity level I think).. (pretty sure)

[Violet]

.. my love, my angel.. how are you?.. I'm missing you.. just so much. [so very very much]

.. I just dropped off my brother at the train. It was a nice visit.. and a good weekend.. though emotional, too, for me. [only, that I kept to myself]

.. it's been terribly windy on this mountaintop.. since last night, even.. though it's been sunny today, at least. And yesterday was divine, both weather wise, and in spirit. This splendid place we went to was ninety acres of hills, and trees, and fenced-in pastures, and horse stables--for sixty horses. And I did see a white stallion or two, but none that seemed "regal" enough, I guess the word is.. none regal enough for you, my love. [though the ones I saw might do in a pinch].. [if ever we're in need of one, that is]

.. my brother liked Old Ideas. We listened to it yesterday as we drove over hill and vale to get to this little piece of heaven. There were no highways en route, just country roads. [and I was pleased that my brother liked the new CD]

.. oh, and one of the people I met yesterday makes these beautiful, hand-crafted guitars--he showed me one he made out of a Romeo and Juliet cigar box.. it was to be an electric guitar, though it wasn't finished enough to play on.. but he said it made for a deeper sound. But, what a nice object.

.. I played pool, and chess, and didn't do that badly I thought, considering I haven't played either in years. [chess with only a two-move strategy, however, is questionable, as to merit.. even though I did accomplish a pretty impressive checkmate. But, then, my opponent wasn't any more versed than I.. so no great shakes, in other words]

...


.. I did stop in here over the weekend. [Geoffrey: I played my brother your Easter song you posted, and he said he was impressed with your guitar style].. [several times he mentioned it, and he's listened to alotalota music over the years].. [I myself thought it a lovely Easter song, which made for a lovely Easter thread].. [Karren that church is gorgeous!]

.. but, yes, I did stop over here, my love.. and was just so shocked to read of this harassment situation concerning your ex-manager. Your life from the outside seems so serenely reclusive, and so this really flies in the face of that.. and that you've been suffering this for just so long. It's terribly worrisome.. and has been on my mind ever since I read about it on Saturday, I guess it was.

.. I do hope the trial does some good, and that the court helps protect you and your family from any potential harm, and from any further harassment. Some here have suggested that this woman needs to seek help, and it does seem like the best solution.. if only she, herself, could check in with what she's doing, and get help for herself.

.. but short of that happening, I assume you are taking all precautions.

.. I'm sure most of us here are sending their prayers and good thoughts and wishes that all will get resolved, and soon. You are terribly loved, and this hurts all of us that someone should harm you like this.

.. I'm not sure what else I can say. It just hurts, and it's just so wrong that you should be having to deal with something like this just now. But I guess we all have to in some manner "take on" whatever comes.. and be brave, and strong.. for ourselves, and for those we love.

[all my wishes and prayers that this be resolved soon]


.. maybe, I'll look to the next passage in your own Book of Mercy, since your words seem always to offer a kind of healing.



46

Help me in the rain, help me in the darkness, help me at my aimless table.
Bend me down to the rain, and let the darkness speak to my heart. Blessed
are you who speaks from the darkness, who gives a form to desolation.
You draw back the heart that is spilled in the world, you establish the borders
of pain. Your mercy you make known to those who know your name, and
your healing is discovered beneath the lifted cry. The ruins signal your
power; by your hand it is broken down, and all things crack that your throne
be restored to the heart. You have written your name on the chaos. The
eyes that roll down the darkness, you have rolled them back to the skull.
Let each man be sheltered in the fortress of your name, and let each one
see the other from the towers of your law. Create the world again, and
stand us up, as you did before, on the foundation of your light.



.. there seems such a strong "God" here always.. through such of your words. This "foundation of light".. this "fortress".. this creator that "stands us up".. even as "the ruins signal its power."


... at my aimless table.

Bend me down to the rain, and let the darkness speak to my heart.

Blessed are you who speaks from the darkness, who gives a form to
desolation.

You draw back the heart that is spilled in the world, you establish the
borders of pain.

.. no longer at "my aimless table".. there are established "the borders of pain"..

and

... your healing is discovered beneath the lifted cry.

.. there are times I feel but a second away from losing whatever "face" I have. It can crumble at any moment, and given the harshness of so much that is around us, there is always the threat of our each "losing face." Maybe the worst part of this, though, is how it is we are each our own worst enemy.

and all things crack

.. as all our airs are done for. And we are nothing. Nothing but that which is real. That subtle hurt of the moment.. that fleeting wish it were all over with. That fleeting fear of the mundane.. that life has nothing to offer us. And all is grim, and there is nothing worth living for, even. And so it is that

it is broken down

and so it is that,

no longer at my aimless table, there is given form to desolation

as

the ruins signal your power

and your healing is discovered beneath the lifted cry

that your throne be restored to the heart.




.. my love.. when I said I was emotional this weekend.. well.. it's to speak of all I'm presently struggling with. I have you with me now.. to help me through this time.. and if you find that I am there for you, as well.. then that would be an even greater solace.

.. my love to you, my angel.. x.. (that all will be well)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ccagQuPs4M
FULL SCREEN..

xx x.. x x.. xxx xx.. x x x..

edit: I removed an ellipsis or two, in the Book of Mercy section.

[Karren B]

Hi violet,

Hope you managed to relax a little at the weekend? It sounded like your brother had a good time!

Glad you liked the church, it's 13th century and very beautiful!...
Unfortunatly it's not very much like spring here today, more like a blustery wet autumn night!

Take care violet
Karren B
xx

[Violet]

Hi Karren, nice to see you here. I like your using

At the cottage in the village by the river near the Castle.

as your "location." Very picturesque.

.. yes, I did relax some. And fed a few handfuls of fresh green grass to some big stallions. (!)

[I forgot how big horses can be.. especially their heads].. [my god]

.. I hope you had a good Easter, as well.. and that spring returns to us soon..

[my daffodils have been steadfast, at least]

v i o l e t.. xx x..

[Karren B]

It is very picturesque and it describes my location perfectly...

Easter was very quiet (just realised quiet is another word for lonely) and very long!... Was strange not doing the famliy thing or the big Easter Sunday lunch.

Horses are magnificent animals. We have lots of Race Horses and Polo Ponies in this area. in fact you can't go anywhere without seeing a horse of some kind!

Glad you were able to relax.
xx

[Violet]

.. Leonard, my love, my angel.. how are you?

.. I wish I could.. I don't know.. rub your back, or something. [something soothing]

.. and I do hope all is well. I didn't see anything further on the trial, so hopefully it's that no news is good news type of thing.

[hopefully]

.. anyway, it's been on my mind.. [probably more than I'd like to even say]


.. so, I've been working hard on this last section of writing I'm doing. It's somewhat tedious some of it.. but.. still, I'm getting near that home stretch, it feels like.. and so, I'm increasingly hopeful. Right now it's to do with trying to work my "magic sieve" and only include what seems essential to this thing overall, which is hard to determine since its scope is rather far reaching.. and has tentacles that go all-over-the-place. So, how to reduce it to what seems essential??.. that's not always easy, and is why the thing expands and contracts on me as I go along.

.. actually, here's something that came up recently in my research:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8w3Y-dskeg&feature=fvst
FULL SCREEN..

.. and, actually, there's something further that Oppenheimer states concerning the first atomic bomb testing, but it's not included in the above.

.. I may keep it for the writing I'm doing, but it's very sobering. Incredible, really, what he states

and goes to

well, this manner of absurdity, I think:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RLPnnPHk ... re=related
FULL SCREEN..

[Slim Pickins riding the atom bomb is the first thing I think of when I think of this film].. [the second is Peter Sellers' Sieg Heil afflicted arm]

.. of course, now there are newer technologies we need worry about, as well.. [which is why I made mention of the ionosphere a while back].. [just another little item to worry about].. [oh, because it's being messed with]

.. anyway, my love.. my angel.. I'm tired, but I'm keeping going. It was a lousy day, weather wise.. although I did make it out to our lake yesterday, as I caught a bit of sun.. only, just a bit. It was quite cold, in fact.. and I was back to wearing lots of layers, and leather gloves. [in April?]

.. still.. the lake is always a pleasure to look upon.. so vast seeming in its steely deep-blue.. with its glistening-white swath of sunlight.. and I was filled with you in that.. (as you're always in my thoughts, my love)

.. my kiss to you, my angel.. x

.. actually, here's this strangely beautiful sequence.. unsettling, but strangely beautiful

(I miss you).. (and do hope we'll some day meet).. (though hopefully under better circumstances..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4VlruVG81w
FULL SCREEN..

.. x x xxx .. xx x x..

[Violet]

.. Leonard, my love.. I am so relieved to hear how your court case went, and do hope this means a peaceful conclusion to all of this for you and your family.


.. actually, I'm missing you terribly this evening.. [just terribly].. but.. well, I realize I'd much rather miss you than not. So, in that I'm not complaining. [not really]

[okay, maybe just a little bit]

.. anyway, it was lovely, and sunny today. Much warmer. The lake, beautiful, once again.. with spring, just around the corner.

[I didn't intend that to rhyme]

.. you know, I think I'm actually beginning to feel excited to be seemingly close to finishing this thing. [the writing, that is] I'm not entirely out of the woods yet, but I must be getting there: thus this feeling.. this subtle sense of excitement.


.. tonight I watched a heartbreaking French film on cable. Forbidden Games, it was called. [black and white, shot in 1952] Its story focuses on an adorable little blonde girl named Paulette, who, at the film's outset, loses her parents in an air raid during WWII.

.. the poor little girl is left to wander in the woods with her little dead puppy in her arms.. and she's found by a charming boy, who takes her home.. though he's the only one in this French country household who has any real feelings for her.

.. the family learns that the seventeen victims of the air raid [who were found dead on a nearby bridge] were all buried together in a hole "like dogs." This included the little girl's parents.. and somehow this starts the boy, Michel, and his little Paulette on this "burying" thing they do. They bury Paulette's little dog.. and they bury a little dead mole they find.. and, eventually, there are all sorts of little critters and birds 'n squirrels 'n things buried in their secret little cemetery.

oh, and they need crosses.. so, Michel starts making them out of sticks.. only, this leads to his stealing crosses from the local cemetery, in order to please his little Paulette. Yes, Paulette, it seems, has developed something of a cross fixation in this.. and poor Michel needs to keep his "love" in pretty crosses. [she's very selective, too.. so, he's got his work cut out for him].. [she even has her eye on the shiny brass one on the church altar]

.. but it's a wonderfully shot film, and so naturally acted by these children. It's painful, though, for me to watch children in roles where they are being traumatized, as I'd learned when studying directing how children are in a sense victimized when acting in such films, since everything to them is so very "real."

I had a teacher who told us that all the actors she knew who had acted as children found they were scarred for life from those types of early acting experiences. And she really had no advice for us, either, as to how to avoid this kind of trauma from occurring. She told us "you're on your own."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5u31XTlOd4
FULL SCREEN..


.. anyway, my angel, I'm listening to your Lullaby now.. thinking of heading for bed soon.

oh, wait. So.. the mouse ate the crumb.. then the cat ate the crust.. (do you know how much I adore you?)

[and to complete the rhyme: you must]


.. I'll be dreaming of you, my angel.. x

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KoQ4xXWm ... re=related
FULL SCREEN..

.. xx xx . x x x.. xx x.. xx xx..

[Violet]

.. my love, my angel.. how are you?

I'm still making headway, writing wise. I'm thinking I'd like to post this thing the week after next. Maybe if I put it that way, it will help. Posting it will itself be a damnable thing, since it's lengthy, and I'll probably have to do it in sections.. and there's formatting to worry about, etc. Still, those are preferable problems, at this point. [I'd like to upgrade my problems, at least] [anyway, I know I'll be entirely relieved to be done, finally]


.. it's been cloudy these past two days, but warmer.. and both days I've been out to our lake. Today I even walked out on this dock, even though I really shouldn't, as I don't belong to "our" lake, as it happens.. but

anyway, it was lovely just to stand out there, especially given the water's choppiness, which I could feel in the slight swaying of the dock. The water was once again that deep blue-grey.. and even with the sun appearing muted from behind the clouds, there was still that brilliant glistening.. fanning out over the water.

.. I stood there for a long while, and I know I thought of you, only I'm not even sure what it was I was thinking. [right now all I'm thinking of are your lips, and so it's useless, then.. trying to make sense of anything]


.. earlier this evening.. I don't know.. I felt this underlying misery, I guess it was. Misery.. to not be with you, my angel. I realized I was heartsick. But, I went back to working some more, then thought to write this on my desktop.

.. oh, my love.. x.. (that we could just fall into that tulip..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-yLbd4O2Ls&feature
FULL SCREEN..

.. x x xx

[Violet]

.. that's rather an enchanting painting.. [above].. isn't it, my love?.. [it goes well, I think, with your tulip mention.. although, instead of buoyant feeling, as I think your line feels to be.. it's deeply erotic].. [so, maybe it's the nocturnal side of falling into a tulip]

.. so, how are you, my angel?.. (I miss you.. just so much).. (xx x)..

I've been toiling away this evening, working very hard. [will I get a little purple star in heaven, then?]

.. anyway, I'd written most of this post earlier today, and now I have to call it quits, and get in bed, and

[actually, I think a mosquito has been nibbling on my knee this evening].. [I know it's "un-Buddhist" of me, but I'd really like to swat him, but good]

[this is the second night in a row with this, too]

[the second night]

.. anyway, my angel.. here's something I came upon through my research today..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hesTpJ4oGvk
FULL SCREEN

.. I transcribed the following from off of a documentary I was watching today. It's Pete Seeger telling of the fate of Victor Jara [singing above].. who's been called the Pete Seeger of Chile, in fact.

.. this story refers to the period just after the CIA backed 1973 coup, in which Salvador Allende [the first Marxist to gain power in a free democratic election] was assassinated. This coup served to install army general and dictator Augusto Pinochet.. whereupon thousands of Chileans started disappearing.

.. I found this to be incredibly moving.. beyond words, really, what Pete Seeger is describing here.


PETE SEEGER:

"The army put several thousand students, and professors,
and Victor all in a big soccer stadium.. and they put a table
in the middle of this stadium.. they said [to Victor Jara] put
your hands on the table.. and they came down with rifle
butts on his hands 'til they were bloody pulps.. and they
said: now sing for us, you cocksucker!

.. and.. he staggered to his feet.. with his face white, and
his bloody hands dripping.. and he walked over to the
stands, and says:

'Compañeros.. let's sing a song for El Commandante.'

.. and, waving his hands, his bloody hands.. they sing the
anthem of Salvador Allende's Popular Unity Party.. the
the whole stands hesitantly joining in with him.

.. it was too much for the colonel. They opened fire with
machine guns.. sprayed the stands.. and he was shot
with many bullets in his back."

[end quote]


.. the doc goes on to say that this was the fate of all the writers, and poets, and artists, and intellectuals of the society.

.. of course.. [as the writing I'm doing is exploring].. there are other ways to put to death the writers and poets and artists and intellects of a society..

you can co-opt them.


.. so, my love.. there's nothing but to keep going, I guess.. (though I'd rather be kissing you)

.. all my love in this kiss, then.. x.. (my angel)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Af4p3OUX1I
FULL SCREEN..

.. x xx xx.. xx..

[Violet]

.. Leonard, my love.. I've just read the materials--well, I only scanned the exhibits posted, since I find it's entirely too disheartening to try and read them too closely--but I read what Jarkko has posted.. [as concerns the harassment case/sentencing].. including your statement.

.. it's very painful, this whole thing. That this could only be over with.. but.. as you suggest, it doesn't seem likely.

.. still, I send my best wishes to you concerning this.. to you and your family and whoever else is being so mistreated in this.


I wish there were something I could say, or write that could be of help.

.. it's a strange time for me, as I near finishing what I've been focusing on for so long. As I've been suggesting, it will mean an end to these little love notes as well.. as it seems a new chapter for things is in order. I guess I need to see what the "real" world has to say.. and if that includes some manner of communication with you, that would be entirely lovely.. only, it's not anything I feel I have the right to count on. [even as it's surely a wish]

.. I'm hoping I can hold on to this sense I have of somehow feeling stronger in myself, maybe in having allowed myself this space to write, and dream.. and.. well, of course, you have been a wonderful part of this dream of mine.


.. you know, if this harassment case is particularly hurtful--and I mean to us all--it's the sense of this individual's being beyond self reproach.. this sense of willfully doing harm, and in no way looking to oneself, and one's own actions. It's just so plainly hurtful.

.. being an artist, it's difficult sometimes, since, well, "going out on a limb," as it were, is sometimes called for. And.. as I've let things develop on this thread.. I'm not always conscious of what it all means. I know, though, that I seek to find a way to help myself, and to not hurt others, if possible, in trying to do so.. even though sometimes in attempting to find solutions for oneself, one finds one is hurting others, even as this is not the intent.

.. and so, yes.. it's painful to see an individual as per this harassment case act so uncaringly.. when we really need to be mindful of others.. even to put their needs before our own, at times.

.. it's been my project, too, in writing what I'm writing.. to try to find the "human" element in all that I'm investigating.. since mere "finger pointing" seems so counter productive, and only points back to oneself; to one's shortsightedness.

.. and so, all of the above is stirring around in me.

.. in so speaking, I just want to thank you, Leonard.. (and I know you're not "really'" my love).. (though maybe you've not minded my writing you as such).. but I wanted to thank you for being there for me, as I sometimes feel you to be.. and maybe allowing for such of my, I don't know.. "fancifulness".. I guess it is. You are lovely in every way, and I am, of course, charmed by you.. (and yes, I admit it, hopelessly in love with you, too).. (even as I'm preparing to tuck such feelings away, as it seems I will no doubt have to)

.. so.. that's all just now, my angel. (I guess I can't help calling you that).. (just for now.. realizing I am admittedly a rather weak and besotted individual when it comes to you).. (my beloved)

oh, and by the way.. you can be so funny and charming, and have lifted my spirits in that.. and I know I'm not alone in such appreciation. As we are all painfully aware, life can be so terribly harsh.. and you stand like a prince.. and have not lost your spirit, or your wonderful sense of humor.. nor your strength, and compassion.


.. so.. back to work.. (and I'll be thinking of you, my love.. x.. and hoping for the best)

and on that note

thought I'd post this version again.. [xx]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmf1AYgY ... re=related
FULL SCREEN..

.. x xx .. xx xx .. xx x.. xx..