Leonard Cohen Plays the Hammer 2008

[J.R. MacLean]

Leonard Cohen Plays the Hammer 2008

A frigid summer evening
in Hamilton, Ontario:
a scrawny old livewire,
sporting a hat,
takes the stage.
The audience is sprinkled
with hats
and beautiful women,
some fizzy,
some like fine wine.
The hat
sings and namastes.
He introduces the musicians
again and again.

This, a gathering
of ageless gratitude,
renewed.

[Violet]

Hi J.R. Maclean,

I was enjoying reading this poem until I got to "namastes"... it tripped me up, I don't even know how to pronounce it -- what's it mean?

thanks,

Violet

[Casey Butler]

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/namaste

Casey

[J.R. MacLean]

Hi J.R. Maclean,

I was enjoying reading this poem until I got to "namastes"... it tripped me up, I don't even know how to pronounce it -- what's it mean?

thanks,

Violet

Hands in prayer position under the nose. It means "I bow down to the divine in you".

na mast tay

Thanks for reading and commenting violet.

[Violet]

Hey, thanks,

I know I could have looked it up myself, but an exchange is sometimes, well, more pleasing!

thanks,

Violet

[Manna]

The title of this gave me a mental image of leonard wacking a hammer in time to music, as in "Leonard Cohen Plays the Tambourine 2008."

[J.R. MacLean]

The title of this gave me a mental image of leonard wacking a hammer in time to music, as in "Leonard Cohen Plays the Tambourine 2008."

Cool Manna, that is fun. The Hammer is of course Hamilton's nickname. I also kind of had in mind 'hammer on the rock', which for me, relates to a Zen master's staff.

[Manna]

Hi J.R. Welcome to the forum. You seem new here, so let me to initiate you.
We don't always play nicely here. Sometimes we just plain play. Sometimes this is a poetry workshop, but not often. Things are liable to go crazy any moment. Sometimes we are grownups who need to be more childish. Sometimes we are children who need to be more mature.

I liked your poem. I hope you stick around and that you can be tolerant of the atmosphere (it's only half our fault.)

also, just so you know, Cate and I are not married, but we might be someday.

[J.R. MacLean]

Thanks for the kind welcome, Manna. I usually post at http://www.literarymary.com which is for 'serious' writers.

Dropped this one here due to subject matter.

I'm pleased at how lively this forum is. Didn't expect that!

cheers

[Cate]

Oh, an Ontario boy or girl!

I'm glad you posted this here, I enjoyed it.
I love the image of the hat singing.
I was tempted to go the Hamilton concert, sounds like it was great.

All the best

Cate who is currently in Hogtown but originally from the Limestone City.

[Alan Alda]

I'll bite...I like the sentiments, but the process is a bit of a mess. I'm surprised at the problems here if you are used to posting at a "serious" site.

Your first 'sentence' is incomplete.
"sporting a hat" is a cliche
Is "fizzy...like fine wine" supposed to refer to Champagne? If not, it makes no sense. And if yes, it should say what it means. (and "fine wine" is a well-worn cliche).
"namaste" is a noun. I'm not convinced you are using it correctly here.

Again, I really like the sentiments and think if you got more inventive (eliminating cliches) and specific in your imagery it would be a lovely piece.

A frigid summer evening
in Hamilton, Ontario.
A scrawny old livewire,
sporting a hat,
takes the stage.
The audience is sprinkled
with hats
and beautiful women,
some fizzy,
some like fine wine.
The hat
sings and namastes.
He introduces the musicians
again and again.

This, a gathering
of ageless gratitude,
renewed.

[Violet]

Actually, now that I have the namastes thing out of the way, I would have to agree with the above comment. I think there's something here that everyone is really liking, so how to bring that out without resorting to cliches. Maybe it's rethinking the feeling all over again.

Violet

[much later edit: going over past threads. Here I wasn't offering much critically speaking until perhaps my last comment on this thread. I believe I was more interested in the social interaction, and I hadn't much experience online at this point. Manna, as per her next post, was always ready to pounce where my laxness was concerned. We got off on the wrong foot somewhere, and that remained the same.]

[Manna]

...something here that everyone is really liking...

maybe it's Leonard?

[J.R. MacLean]

Oh, an Ontario boy or girl!

I'm glad you posted this here, I enjoyed it.
I love the image of the hat singing.
I was tempted to go the Hamilton concert, sounds like it was great.

All the best

Cate who is currently in Hogtown but originally from the Limestone City.

Thanks Cate, I'm a PTBO guy now, but still spend some time in Hogtown, in the Beach.

Shoulda gone, it was amazing. Happy you enjoyed the piece.

cheers

[J.R. MacLean]

[quote="Alan Alda"]I'll bite...I like the sentiments, but the process is a bit of a mess. I'm surprised at the problems here if you are used to posting at a "serious" site.

Your first 'sentence' is incomplete. well, technically I suppose a colon should end it- will fix

"sporting a hat" is a cliche yeah, but appropriate to the scene, and the hat, imho

Is "fizzy...like fine wine" supposed to refer to Champagne? If not, it makes no sense. And if yes, it should say what it means. (and "fine wine" is a well-worn cliche). Two ages of women are being referred to: fizzy: young, bubbly, empty headed enough to spend half the concert videoing it, and older women, still beautiful, though aged like fine wine- yeah its a cliche, but I don't mind if I feel it serves the scence and mood being conveyed

"namaste" is a noun. I'm not convinced you are using it correctly here. to namaste is also an action. Ask a yoga teacher

Again, I really like the sentiments and think if you got more inventive (eliminating cliches) and specific in your imagery it would be a lovely piece./quote]
I'm glad you liked the sentiments. The scene was somehow simulataneously nostalgic and very fresh. Cliches like 'sporting a hat' I think convey some of the former. If you have better word usage suggestions, I'm certainly open to them. Thanks for read and crit. Appreciate it.